If you really knew me

If you really knew me you'd know I swear more than I should,

If you really know me you'd know I get lost in the details of things, 

If you really knew me you'd know I hate the word chill, 

If you really knew me you'd know that I love almost nothing more in this life than the Jazz,

If you really knew me you'd know that sarcasm is the only way I can handle people

If you really knew me you'd know that I hate people before I get to know them and it's my least a favorite quality about myself,

If you really knew me you'd that I'm always looking to be better,

If you really knew me you'd know that the word "satisfied" doesn't mean anything to me,

If you really knew me you'd know that I'm probably the youngest in our grade,

If you really knew me you'd know that I let the little things bother me,

If you really knew me you'd know that I am the king of over analyzing every aspect of life,

If you really knew me you'd know I really appreciate Nelson's class even though I don't show it,

If you really knew me you'd know that I struggle to become inspired and stay inspired when I am,

If you really knew me you'd know I didn't put in as much effort as I would have liked too into this blog,

If you really knew me you'd know that I secretly wonder what is going on in everyone's lives and come up with scenarios based on their appearance,

If you really knew me you'd know I can handle rejection but not disrespect, 

If you really knew me you'd know that other people's opinions of me don't bother me

If you really knew me you'd know that deep down I am a pleased with who I am and excited for who I will become.  

I am Sam Shillingford

I Remember 
I remember when we used to fight
I remember when we used to hate each other
I remember when you pushed my head threw a fence over pick up basketball
I remember when we would wait on the curb to get picked up
I remember when when we would wake up early to play video games, but you never let me play
I remember when you told me how I was nothing, and would never be anything
I remember the time when you tried to knocked me out for wrestling in your room with my friends
I remember when you let me borrow your car so I could sneak out without getting caught
I remember when you first got your car and we debated never going home
I remember when you decided what was best for you
I remember staying up late alone wondering how I could do it with out you
I remember dreading the day thats coming
I remember when we sat at dinner in disbelief that it would be our last night together for 4 years
I remember waking up the next morning in shock
I remember that quiet car ride filled with meaningless conversation to avoid what was really going on
I remember when we hugged and you whispered to me "you be good" and I did everything to hold back tears
I remember when you didn't look back
I remember breaking down
I remember you,
I just hope you remember me.

Heart

Anis Mojgani - For Those Who Can Still Ride In Airplanes - Poems / Poetry

 

Montana

I'm Afraid

I'm afraid of the things I don't know. I'm afraid of what I don't understand, of the things I can't control. I'm afraid that space has no end. Or that it does. I'm afraid that this is it, this life is all we get. I'm afraid that there is no fate or destiny or that there is and I can't change mine. I'm afraid that everything could end in the blink of an eye. I'm afraid that even though gravity is the most sure thing we have it's still just a theory. I'm afraid we forget things that are astonishing and never realize it. I'm afraid we keep to much and give too little. I'm afraid of never being remembered or being remembered for the negative things of done. I'm afraid of not taking the time to understand others point of view. I'm afraid of getting lost and never finding my way back.

Them (Haiku)

Them.

They see so little

           Yet they judge far too often

                           I wish they knew more

This is just to say – Carolos Williams
I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast.

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold.

I added a brick when you told me I wasn't the best.

I added a brick when you said we were just too close.

I added a brick when he said he was leaving.

I added a brick when she said she didn't care. 

I added a brick when we stopped talking.

I couldn't stop adding bricks 

Now the wall stands in the way.

Love is..
Love is a fresh pencil
Love is the smell after it rains up the canyon
Love is that song you've been listening to for years but never get tired of
Love is freshly cut grass
Love is a full gas tank
Love is cutting your finger nails too short
Love is being late for curfew
Love is meeting a celebrity
Love is taking a spontaneous trip to the beach
Love is being on time to school
Love is a sunday power nap
Love is Thanksgiving dinner
Love is new car smell
Love is uncontrollable laughter
Love is slipping into mud after buying new shoes
Love is that perfect picture you can't stop looking at

Toasting'n'stuff

Here's to those girls we fall in love with before even knowing their names. 

Here's to those sunsets we cant help but take a picture of.  

Here's to the people who cant sleep. 

To the people who stay up late trying to pretend. 

To the people who go to bed early trying forget. 

To the people who are on their last straw. 

Here's to the people who feel alone. 

To the people who feel they can't hold on. 

Here's to those who think negative, to those stuck in a job they hate. 

To those feeling pressure to do something they don't want to do. 

Here's to the people missing someone they'll likely never see again. 

To the people caught in the middle. 

Here's to those who can't just move on.

Cheers.

Invictus by W. E. Henley

Out of the night that covers me,

Black as the Pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be

For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance

I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeonings of chance

My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears

Looms but the Horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years

Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,

How charged with punishments the scroll,

I am the master of my fate:

I am the captain of my soul.

 Human

I know I'm human.

 I know because I hate math. Because I can never find my keys. 

Because I pretend I'm getting a text to avoid awkward silence.

 I know I'm human because every time I have to say goodbye I die a little on the inside. 

Because I give myself headaches trying to figure things out I don't understand.

 Because I don't know when to leave. 
I know because I can't tell when you are being sarcastic or a complete ass. 
Because when someone yells at me, I yell back. 

Louder. 

I know I'm human because when you ask me whats on my mind I know better than to tell you.

Because I can't just get over things.

I know I'm human because I really do care even though I pretend like I don't.

I stare to long, laugh too loud, care too much, ignore too often, read too little, and never say enough. 

This is how I know I'm Human.

"One reason why birds and horses are not unhappy is because they are not trying to impress other birds and horses."

 -Dale Carnagie 

Bring It Back

I miss it. I miss it all. The Lifestyle. The simplicity. The idea of it. Im lost in a world full of jobs, act scores, college applications, and social status. All I want to do is go outside and jump on my tramp without my neighbors thinking I'm crazy. I want to be able to miss church and not be put on the byc list. I want to play cops and robbers with my friends. I want My childhood back. I want to live carefree. I want to be out of this world that cares about what kind of car I drive and In one that cares about where I drive it. Sadly we know this can't happen because if you don't have the nicest house, nicest clothes, or nicest car then you aren't worth anyones time. Yet if you do have all that you are shallow and don't have a struggle in the world. I don't know where I'm going with this but what I do know is I would like my crayons back, Please.

Intro

I am a wolf among sheep but for this class that exactly what I dread. Ive spent my whole high school career telling myself how much I should not care. How I should worry about making friends and not getting lost in the mix but now social images and grades are out the window. I feel like a minor who just got pulled up to the league and doesn't know how to make his mark. How am I supposed to "reach my peak" if no one tells me what that is? I thrive under structure. Give me a task, tell me how you want it done and I will complete it. Give me a vague assignment with little instruction and the obsessive compulsive traits I have will e all that shows. Creativity doesn't blend well. I guess this will be the test.